Gospel-Shaped Friendships

True friendship is a gift and doesn’t come easily. Forging genuine friendships in a culture marked by division and disposable relationships can be tricky. How does the gospel shape our view of friendship? What is different about a Christian friendship?


Friendship Forged in Christ

At the centre of a gospel-shaped friendship is our union with Christ. We have been saved by grace through faith, and we are made alive in Christ with all the spiritual blessings that flow from that relationship. One astonishing reality of our new life in Christ is that Jesus calls us friends.
 

“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15.15).

Jesus is our truest, closest friend who knows the depths of every joy and hurt in our hearts. He knows every flaw, weakness, and sin, and still loves us with an everlasting love. He promises to be a constant refuge in the storms of life and never leave or betray us (Hebrews 13.5).

Knowing that we are in Christ frees us from expecting another person (friend, spouse) to satisfy our deepest desires to be seen, known, and loved. It motivates us to forgive one another because God in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4.32). It compels us to consider the demands we may place on others to fulfil all of our emotional and relational desires. In short, having Jesus as our truest friend frees us to give and receive love without clutching to it too tightly or expecting something in return.


Friendship is About More Than Friendship

What bonds this kind of friendship together is more than shared interests or a similar life stage. It is a desire to grow in Christlikeness (Romans 8.29) and to be a tool in God’s hand to strengthen one another’s faith.
 

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27.17).

It also displays God’s love to a lost world. We are united in Christ and on mission for Christ so that the world may believe that God sent his Son (John 17.21). And when a friendship aligns with God’s purpose and design, there is a deep joy experienced together, striving side by side for his glory to reach the ends of the earth (Habakkuk 2.14). Friendship is about far more than friendship.


Pursuing Gospel-Shaped Friendships

Let’s strive to be the kind of friend who loves at all times (Proverbs 17.17) because God first loved us. Let’s pursue friendship that points one another to Christ and displays to the world that Jesus is better than the sweetest relationship we will have on this earth. Let’s push against the self-focused culture around us and forge friendships that are outward-focused on how to “stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10.24), and let’s run hard together the race set before us for the glory of God.

These articles are 100% man-made, without the use of generative AI.

Investing yourself

Christmas is coming. Hallelujah! It’s a time for celebration, family, rest and hopefully, spiritual restoration. After a busy term, we probably feel like we need it! But, as well as enjoying time with loved ones, the holidays are also a time to step back, to reflect, and to consider our priorities, particularly as we begin a new year.  

As you reflect on your resolutions for the coming year, let me give you one more question to consider: Who will you invest your life in? 

As we grow older, I suspect we’ll want to consider what kind of legacy we’re leaving behind. For most of us, our legacy will probably not be in the institutions that we’ve established, but in the impact we’ve left on other people. Have we inspired and encouraged them? Have we helped them spiritually? Or have we hindered them?

Most of the time, this will happen passively. As you share your life with others in the church, you’ll naturally rub off on them. For example, if you pursue God wholeheartedly and without compromise, you’ll (almost inevitably) inspire others with your zeal. 

But perhaps the greatest impact we can have is when we're intentional about investing in others. You might call it mentoring, discipleship, or even just intentional spiritual friendship. The times when I've grown the most spiritually have been when someone has taken the initiative to spend time with me personally, helping me to grow. When I first became a Christian, 16 years ago, I benefitted from 1-to-1 discipleship from an Agapé staff worker, Rich. He taught me the fundamentals of following Jesus, how to share my faith, and even how to teach others to do the same. I'll be forever grateful for what he taught me.

Where to start? First, consider who God has placed in your life, who you'd like to help grow. They might be a peer, or someone younger in faith. You might not be that close to them, but it's probably helpful if you see teachability and a desire to grow in them.

Next, go for a drink, and ask them if they'd like to commit to a regular rhythm of meeting (e.g. fortnightly or monthly) for a set period. You might read a Christian book that you've found helpful and reflect on it each time you meet. Or read through a book of the bible. And of course, be intentional about sharing your struggles and joys.

It's not rocket science! But, I think many of the younger folk in our church would love someone older (or wiser) to do this with them! And if you find yourself wanting this kind of input, just ask someone you respect. And if you can't find anyone, email me and we'll help you find someone to walk with you.

Whether you take me up on the suggestion or not, I hope you have some time to rest and personally meet with Jesus over the Christmas holidays, amidst the celebration and feasting!