As a pastor, I sometimes find myself having conversations with folk about things they haven’t shared with many others. Perhaps one of the most common subjects is around sexual temptation. We recently addressed this as part of the men’s weekend away (as part of a bigger vision of being a Godly man). One brother very honestly took us through his story of walking out of sexual sin. Of course, this isn’t just a male issue. Many Christian men and women experience a personal struggle against porn and other sexual temptation. And often they feel like they’re losing. I want to share some advice for those who are in this place at the moment.
Some of you may be wondering what all the fuss is about. Why even make this an issue? I suggest you have a listen to a Salt Live evening we put on in April, entitled “Why are Christians so weird about sex?” Even secular psychologists like Dr Philip Zimbardo (formerly a Professor at Stanford University) have spoken out on the damaging effects of living in a porn-saturated culture.
Here are my four top tips:
1. Don’t fight this alone
It may feel difficult to share your struggle with others. But I’ve seen many guys become very isolated in their struggle against sexual sin. The temptation to sin soon looms large over other parts of their life. They feel defeated and ashamed. We need friends around us to remind us of God’s ongoing forgiveness (‘gospelling each other’) and his power to enable us to break free from patterns of sin. Of course, your life group leaders, any of the guys in the leadership team or our pastoral deacons (Naomi Marsden, Jennie Pollock and Sie Yan Haslam) would be happy to speak to anyone about this.
2. Address the roots
Sometimes I speak to someone who will say they’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work. I’d encourage you to consider the roots of this sin as well as the behaviour itself. You may be seeking this out when you feel anxious. Then you need to deal with that underlying anxiety. Perhaps you go there to just make yourself feel better. You’ll want to teach yourself that in the long haul, Christ is more satisfying than momentary endorphins.
3. Take this seriously
The ubiquity and easy access to pornography may make it feel innocent and easy. But this is essentially adultery. Jesus draws a straight line from lust to adultery. It may feel victimless, but actually you’re hurting yourself, undermining your assurance before God and potentially hurting your loved ones (present and future). Jesus speaks powerfully about the need to take drastic steps to cut sin out of your life (Matt 5.30). There may be helpful steps you can take to distance yourself from this. No late-night browsing. Putting internet filters in place.
4. You’re freer than you realise
Christ’s gift to you is holiness. This is not something we can achieve in our own strength, but empowered by the Holy Spirit, we are able to overcome this sin. One of the most pernicious lies around pornography is that you’re trapped in addiction. You’re not. You can walk out in the power of the Holy Spirit. This may not be overnight, and it almost certainly won’t be alone, but it is possible to walk in freedom.